PAINTING FRUSTRATION

Paintings are like people: some you always remember, and others, “ When did I do that?” And like old friends, paintings can remind you of the particular circumstances of their birth, while others continue to challenge you to understand them.

This doesn’t mean that a painting is “good” or “bad.” The quality of a painting can be confused by its emotional baggage. For example, an artist might treasure a drawing because he/she was infatuated by the model.

“Annual Report.” is a special favorite of mine. It is large, 54 x 48 inches, painted in acrylics with text written with wax crayon. In 1998, I was still hand-stretching and priming my own canvases. Preparing your own canvas encourages an early intimacy that is absent when a pre-stretched canvas is purchased from a store.

I went about this painting in an odd way. At the time, I was frustrated by large canvases. I couldn’t finish them. I was unable to fill the space. In disgust, I would destroy the work.

But not this time, alone upstate, I swore that I would not leave my studio, even to eat or sleep, until I finished the painting. I placed the empty canvas on the floor instead of the easel, and grabbed my large brushes. I would not give up!

Thankfully, I was on vacation from my job as Communications Director. The previous week had been insane. Our Annual Report was due. All day long, the CEO screamed at everyone that the Annual Report wasn’t what she wanted, and the clock was ticking. The work was grueling: writing, editing, rewriting, editing again, ad nauseam.

I started the painting without any thought of my 9-to-5 job, but as I put color and line on the canvas, the madness of the last week took over. I gave in and let anger guide my brush. After working straight for 6 1/2 hours, the canvas was completed. The painting had painted itself.

Now I could eat dinner at my normal hour.

Marc Shanker. “Annual Report.” Acrylic on canvas. 54” x 48.” 1998.